Organization XIII Runs Errands
by Glimmerous
Summary: What do ninja grandmas, running over mailmen, checking Kingdom Hearts manga books, and singing in Japanese have to do with Organization XIII? Um, running errands? Dun dun dun...


Organization XIII Runs Errands

* * *

Chapter 1: Getting Everyone Into the Van

The members of Organization XIII were eating their lunch of hamburgers and fries.

"Yo. Demyx . Stop playing your guitar and pass me the salt," Lexaeus mumbled through a mouthful of fries.

"For your information, it's a sitar. NOT a guitar," Demyx corrected him as he gave him the salt. A resounding boom echoed throughout the lunchroom.

"VEXEN! What in the world are you doing? For the love of Kingdom Hearts, don't blow up the kitchen like last year!" Saix yelled. Xemnas cringed at Saix's use of words.

"Please, Saix. Don't misuse the name of Kingdom Hearts. Because, you know…" and Xemnas went on rambling on and on about Kingdom Hearts and its power and all that junk. Xigbar glanced at Larxene (who was poking at her greasy burger in disgust) and rolled his eyes.

"Sorry guys, I was just experimenting on the chocolate cake and if firecrackers would make it bake faster," Vexen apologized as he took his seat. He had some new burns and half his hair was gone.

"Hey, where's Flower Boy?" Axel asked. Roxas snickered.

"Flower Boy? Who you callin' Flower Boy?" Marluxia demanded as he walked into the lunchroom, "Sorry I'm late; just watering my geraniums. They're looking great this year!" Roxas tried to conceal his laugh by coughing, but instead he choked on his burger and Axel had to do the Heimlich maneuver on him. Zexion sniffed at his fries and winced.

"Uh…is it just me or is something wrong with the ketchup?" he prodded the red paste with his fry. Luxord looked sheepishly up from building a house of cards.

"Um. Heehee. Just put a little horseradish and chocolate sauce in. Since I lost Old Maid to Xaldin, he made me do it," he said. Zexion gagged and dumped his fries into the garbage. Xemnas finally stopped lecturing about "Kingdom Hearts holds the power" and other stupid things and finally remembered what they had to do that afternoon.

"Listen up people. We have to run errands after lunch. We have to hit Target, the grocery store, the post office, dry cleaners, and the library. We can split up in groups and get it down in no time."

"May Kingdom Hearts help us," Larxene giggled and Xemnas gave her his copyrighted Menacing Glare.

"I don't wanna drive. I hate driving. Let someone else do it," Demyx whined.

"Sorry, I can't drive. Remember last time? I got my license taken away because I ran over a little old lady. But I heard she's recovering nicely," Xemnas replied. All thirteen of them piled into the fifteen-passenger van and buckled up.

"Ug. It smells in here," Larxene complained. She pulled out her bottle of Coco Chanel and liberally sprayed it throughout. Zexion nearly fainted from the overpowering smell.

"Great. Now it smells like the expensive perfume section at the mall and rotten apples," Zexion muttered. Xigbar dug up a very smelly and dusty bag.

"Hey! Here are the Honey Crisp apples we couldn't find six months ago! They were under this seat the whole time!" he exclaimed.

"Throw that thing outta here! It smells terrible!" Xemnas used his copyrighted Scary Commander Voice. Xigbar chucked the bag of apples out the window…and the bag flew a little kid on a bike. Ouch.

"Oh man. Sorry little kid! I didn't mean to!" Xigbar apologized. The little kid didn't hear him, since he was too busy screaming "Mommy! A scawy guy with a bwack eye thingy thwew a nathty bag of appleth at me!" Axel and Roxas snickered in the backseat.

"Ok people. Listen up. I have a bunch of lists, and I'll hand them out. Vexen, Lexaeus and I will go to Target. Axel, Roxas, and Saix will get food at Meijer. Larxene and Marluxia, you go to the dry cleaners and pick up our robes. Zexion, Xigbar, and Luxord, go to the post office. Demyx and Xaldin stop by the library and pick up some books on Kingdom Hearts, will you?" Xemnas said as he handed out lists. First stop: Target.

* * *

Chapter 2: Cleaning Supplies, Feminine Products, and Little Old Ladies

Xemnas, Vexen, and Lexaeus were dropped off at Target. They took three lists and headed off in three different directions. Vexen arrived at the cleaning supplies aisle.

"Oh gosh. Someone put "mop", but there are like fifteen different kinds! I'll just get all fifteen," Vexen said to himself as fifteen mops landed in the cart. "Hmm…as for "floor cleaner", I'll just empty this whole rack," down went the whole rack into the red cart, "Let's see, 'air freshener.' Man, won't Xemnas be pleased! This way, we don't have to keep going to the store to get cleaning stuff!" about fifty cans of air fresheners' fell into the already full cart. Vexen pushed his cart to the checkout line.

"That'll be $407.89," a brunette girl with braids said. Vexen's eyes got big.

"How much?" he asked.

"$407.89 sir," she said. Her nametag said "Olette". Vexen muttered something about "Oh man, I'm in hot water when I get home," as he handed Olette his credit card.

Meanwhile, Xemnas was trying to make out the first item on his list.

"P…E…R…I…O…D…P…A…D…S… What in the world is that?" he wondered. He suddenly got very pale. "Oh, THAT thing." Xemnas stood helplessly in the feminine products aisle. He felt very afraid and completely helpless.

"Kingdom Hearts, strike me now. Please!" he moaned and raised his hands to the ceiling. A mother with two little kids gave him a weird look. It was rather odd to see a guy with spiky grayish hair and in a black robe raising his hands to the ceiling…in the feminine products section, of all places.

"Oh boy. What am I going to do? Kingdom Hearts, have mercy on me!" Xemnas panicked. He quickly grabbed a bright green package that guaranteed: "No Leakage" and "Dermatologist Approved" and ran off.

"All right…next item. M…A…S…C…A…R…A. Why, why did I get stuck with Larxene's list?" Xemnas whined. He then found himself surrounded my multicolored make-up.

"What is mascara?" he wondered as he picked up a tube of bright pink lipstick. "It kinda sounds like something for your lips," he thought and placed the "Hot Pink Sparkle" lipstick in his cart. He was afraid to see what was next on the list.

"What in the world is deodorant?" Xemnas asked himself. "Oh yeah…that stuff Larxene always tells Lexaeus to put on." He put some deodorant that said "Athlete Approved." By now, Xemnas was very nervous, and was sweating profusely. So he took off his robe…and everyone saw the Dora the Explorer t-shirt that said "Hola amigos!" Xemnas turned redder than his Elmo shorts.

While Xemnas walked through Target, enduring the snickers and glances, Lexaeus was looking at a display stand with notebooks piled on.

"Hm. Vexen wanted a red notebook. But the only red one here is on the bottom of all these other notebooks," he mused. "Oh well, I got no choice." So Lexaeus pulled the red notebook out. And…all the notebooks tumbled down.

"AHHHH!!!" he yelped, trying to get the notebooks piled neatly again. Unfortunately, a little old lady with a cane slipped on a glittery green notebook.

"You hooligan!" she shrieked. She attacked poor Lexaeus with her cane.

"Look…ow…here…ouch…Grandma!" he tried to explain, "OW! It was-ow! An accident!" he yelped, and ran away with the red notebook in his hand.

"Whippersnapper!" Grandma shook her fist at him. She tore off her flowered dress to reveal…a black ninja suit. Yes, she was Yuffie's grandmother.

"HI-YAH!" she yelled and ran after Lexaeus. He dashed around the check out line and headed for the door. Unfortunately, he ran straight into Vexen, who was struggling with his purchases. Cleaning supplies, a red notebook, and swear words were scattered around.

"What was that for?" Vexen snapped. He looked up and saw an old lady with a ninja suit.

"Uh-oh…" and Vexen and Lexaeus' heads were knocked together by Yuffie's grandma, and were thoroughly passed out. The frazzled manager ran to the scene where dozens of people were looking on.

"Ok, what happened?" the manager asked.

"Well, I saw that body builder guy running away from that lady in the black outfit. Then, he crashed into that blonde guy. Then, the lady knocked their heads together, and yeah," a Target employee whose nametag said "Pence".

"Oh dear," the manager groaned and called an ambulance. Xemnas ran to the scene and looked at the numerous cleaning supplies all over the floor.

"I hope Vexen didn't spend too much money," he fretted.

* * *

Chapter 3: Singing in Japanese and Other Humorous Scenes

Saix pushed the grocery cart while Axel and Roxas examined some lettuce.

"How do you know if the lettuce is good?" Roxas asked.

"Uh, 'cuz it's green?" Axel guessed. They both shrugged and dumped some lettuce in the cart. Roxas spotted a blonde girl dressed in white by the grapes.

"Hey, there's Namine!" Roxas said and ran over to her. Axel and Saix looked at each other and grinned. The opening strains of "Sanctuary" by Utada Hikaru began.

"Hi Namine!" Roxas grinned.

"Hey Roxas! Uh, look behind you," Namine said, smiling. Roxas turned and saw Saix turning on his iPod speakers and grinning.

_In you and I there's a new land_

_Angel's in flight_

Axel and Saix sang with Utada. Roxas covered his ears.

_wonk uoy naht noitceffa erom deen I_

_My sanctuary, my sanctuary, yeah_

_Where fears and lies melt away_

_Music inside_

_wonk uoy naht noitceffa erom deen I_

_What's left of me what's left of me now_

_I watch you fast asleep_

_All I fear means nothing_

The two struggled with their Japanese.

_In you and I there's a new land_

_Angels in flight_

_wonk uoy naht noitceffa erom deen I_

_My sanctuary my sanctuary yeah_

_Where fears and lies melt away_

_Music inside_

_wonk uoy naht noitceffa erom deen I_

_What's left of me what's left of me_

_snwod dna spu ynam os_

_My heart's a battleground_

_snoitome eurt deen I_

_wonk uoy naht noitceffa erom deen I_

_snoitome eurt deen I_

Namine laughed. Roxas turned bright red. Axel and Saix were laughing so hard it was hard to sing in Japanese. Then Saix went to another song.

_And can you feel the love tonight_

_It is where we are_

_It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer_

_That we got this far_

_And can you feel the love tonight_

_How it's laid to rest_

_It's enough to make kings and vagabonds_

_Believe the very best_

Roxas turned purple. Namine was crying because she was laughing so hard. Axel and Saix finished their song and bowed. Everybody cheered for them, except Roxas, of course.

"I am SO gonna kill you both," he muttered. He tapped Namine's shoulder, which was a very bad move on his part, because his two friends weren't done yet.

_'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling._

_And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly._

_Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last._

_Need you by my side._

_'Cause everytime we touch, I feel the static._

_And everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky._

_Can't you hear my heart beat so..._

_I can't let you go._

_Want you in my life._

Saix and Axel added their own dance moves to the sappy love song. Roxas turned seven shades of crimson before bolting out the door. No one noticed his departure, since the two singers were launching into their next song: "Kiss the Girl". By this time, Namine was rolling on the floor laughing.

* * *

Chapter 4: Larxene's Altered Robe

Demyx dropped Larxene and Marluxia off at the dry cleaners and waited for them to pick up their robes. The bell above the door announced their arrival and an Asian lady greeted them.

"Hello! Oh, aren't you Miss Larxene? Let me get your order," she said, and disappeared to get the robes.

"How does she know you?" Marluxia asked. Larxene giggled. A few minutes later, a bundle of black robes appeared and were dumped on the table. Then the lady disappeared again, this time coming back with a pink, glittery robe that looked a mini-dress.

"Wow! You did a great job! Thanks so much!" Larxene gushed as she looked at her newly revised robe. Marluxia's mouth hung open. They gathered up their robes, paid, and then left.

"What are you thinking? Xemnas is gonna KILL you!" Marluxia said.

"Whatever. I couldn't stand those shapeless black things. Total fashion disaster," Larxene said nonchalantly.

"Oh man, you're in trouble," Marluxia winced as he looked at the altered robe, "What were you thinking?"

"You mean, what was Xemnas thinking when he gave us these ugly robes? Obviously, he wasn't," she said.

"Will you at least wear the boots and gloves? And keep the hood on?" he asked nervously.

"Duh no! Do you know how weird that will look? I bought some matching shoes. So adorable!" Larxene said happily. Marluxia pictured the look on their leader's face and cringed.

* * *

Chapter 5: Running Over the Mailman and Other Calamities

Zexion, Luxord, and Xaldin carried letters and packages into the post office.

"Why is Xemnas sending his letter to Santa? It's only September!" Xaldin said as he looked at the envelope addressed to "The North Pole".

"Oh, well, our ever intelligent _leader_ thought that if he sent his letter early, Santa will have more time to prepare," Luxord chuckled.

"Um, how old is he?" Zexion asked.

"Old enough to throw a fit because he can't sit on Santa's lap anymore at the mall," Xaldin cackled.

"Didn't he blow a casket when Axel and Roxas blackmailed Santa?" Luxord asked. All three of them laughed.

"Oh yeah! That was hilarious! Didn't those two write: "Give us the things we asked for or you'll be picking up your shattered teeth with a broken arm…that is, IF you survive! Mwahaha!"? Xemnas was mad!" Xaldin said, remembering. They delivered their packages and got into the van. Demyx attempted backing out of the parking space.

"You might want to look back in case people are around," Xigbar suggested.

"Please, I'm an experienced driver," Demyx bragged. The van hit something and then they heard a _crunch_. All of them gasped.

"That can't be good," Larxene said. Demyx got out of the van and looked. A guy with packages and a mailman suit was sprawled out on the pavement.

"Ack! I'm so sorry sir!" Demyx apologized and helped him up.

"Do you know it's a federal offense to nearly kill a mailman?" he snapped and gathered the packages, "You could go to jail, young man." Demyx broke down crying.

"NOOO!!! DON'T HURT ME!! WHERE'S MY MOMMY?" he wept and kneeled at the mailman's feet. The mailman sighed, rolled his eyes, kicked the weeping musician, and walked away. Demyx wiped his eyes.

"Whew, that was close," he laughed shakily as he got into the car.

"A little TOO close," Larxene giggled. This time, Demyx looked back, but spent about half an hour backing out of the parking space. Then he drove painstakingly slow to the library at about 1/4 miles per hour.

* * *

Chapter 6: Pony Books...And Manga Books

All ten of them went into the library to check out books.

"Mr. Xaldin, are you aware that your library books are four years overdue?" a red-haired librarian asked. She smoothed her peach colored dress and glared at him.

"What books?" Xaldin asked.

"Hmm, let me see. All of them seem to be about ponies," the red head answered, looking at the computer screen.

"Oh..uh...ok...um, yeah," Xaldin said lamely.

"And then you have some American Girl Books out as well," she said. But Xaldin has disappeared, clearly too embarassed for the others to know what he liked to read. The others were gathered around a computer.

"Xemnas said he wanted books on Kingdom Hearts. But I can't find anything!" Demyx complained. Luxord pointed out that "Hearts" was spelled H-E-A-R-T-S, not H-A-R-T-Z. Demyx blushed and retyped his search.

"Bingo! Here's a bunch!" he said, scrolling down the list.

"But that's the Kingdom Hearts manga series," Xigbar said.

"Manga series?" Marluxia asked.

"Yeah, y'know, about that spiky-haired kid with the clown shoes and giant key thingy," Zexion explained. They all laughed.

"Boy, won't Xemnas be MAD if we got that for him!" Larxene giggled.

"Let's do that! Besides, he said "get books about Kingdom Hearts". These ARE books about Kingdom Hearts...just not what he was thinking," Luxord chuckled. All of them ran to the Anime/Manga section and stocked up on KH manga books. They couldn't stop chuckling as they checked them out.

"Kingdom Hearts manga books?" the red head said. Larxene giggled.

"By the way, Mr. Xaldin. I found more books that are overdue," the red head said sternly, "And, you currently owe the library $500. So I advise you to turn in books ON TIME in the future." Xaldin nodded. They all left snickering at Xaldin...and what would happen when Xemnas saw the books.

* * *

Chapter 7: Conclusion To A Interesting Day

Organization XIII met in the large living room and dropped down their things.

"Whew, that was quite traumatic," Xemnas shuddered, remembering the period pad incident.

"Um, Superior? This is lipstick, not mascara," Larxene said, picking up the "Hot Pink Sparkle" tube. Their leader shrugged helplessly and fell into a chair.

"Here's your notebook that I almost DIED for, Vexen. I nearly got killed by a ninja grandma! Be grateful," Lexaeus said, handing the notebook over to the scientist.

"How many cleaning supplies do you need?" Roxas asked, looking at the $400 worth of supplies.

"Well...er...you know..since...um, the earth is getting warmer, um, the kinetic energy hydrosphere is uh, not good. So I got cleaning suppllies," Vexen said, using big scientific words.

"Oh, ok," Roxas replied, having no idea what Vexen had just said. Saix and Axel were a little hoarse from their singing debut at the grocery store and were drinking some tea to soothe their throats. But that didn't stop them from turning on "My Love" on Saix's iPod. Zexion showed them (not Xemnas, who was fast asleep) the manga books, and they all had a good laugh.

"Ooo! Xemnas is gonna go on a Kingdom Hearts rampage and say that Sora is giving the "Almighty Kingdom Hearts" a bad name!" Saix cackled. Larxene then modeled her new robe, and gave every one of them heart attacks.

"What IS that thing? You look like a Barbie doll!" Lexaeus said.

"I think you look nice," Axel said, then blushed when he realized what he had said. Roxas tittered and Larxene gave Axel a flirtatious smile that made Axel even redder than his hair. The newest Organization member realized this was his time for revenge.

"Axel and Larxene sittin' in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes love...mmph!" Axel had covered Roxas' mouth and did a motion for "Shut up or you'll be sorry" which involved a lot of finger-slicing across the throat and scowling. The day ended with the twelve Nobodies dipping a sleeping Xemnas' hand into a bowl of warm water and waiting for the results.

* * *

Yeah, yeah. It was kinda..um...special. But hey, it was pretty cool! REVIEW!!!!! 


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